Once there was a man who walked
Oft across the dark path
For no fault of his
Yet twas he who chose
Where he tread and where he walked.
There was once a time
When his bold and courage
Drove him to the top of where
all the world he could see
He mastered himself
Through offering and goodness
Swore against vice
Yet was still the man who women sought
For with him, there hearts and minds they buried.
Still long ago driven by deception and pain
He looked to free his worthless soul
Which grew tainted by clouds of dark
He wept but the past could not be buried
Which was when he had a spark.
Still earlier, there was a boy who grew
His laughter on the court remained
He had comfort and love and joy and riches
Sweet sparkling eyes, fixed in a frame.
Like two halves of a whole, it twists and turns indefinitely
All of good is devoured by evil
But good rises up again
For the man who walks in darkness
Will one day no more take that path again
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
The painting
The wind, it howled one fearful night
The distant crashing waves, it sprayed
A lonely tree of awesome might
It grew, but withered in its shade
The rain, it fell so thick and bleak
Whipped up images of grey
Not close, not far, no soul to speak
Unhinged, the battered tree upon the ocean spray
The cold it crept upon the sand
And numbed travelers near and far
Who saw scenes of bliss unfold itself
While the tree battled on its own land
No lighthouse shone the whole way through
No beam, no road, no distant light
For weary travelers and boatmen few
No light for the damp tree by the side.
Ships that cast their lives aside,
Break across the cliff in furious rage
Stripped off robes by mirthless deride
The show goes on, but comes of age
The lighthouse gaveth no shade
Neither did the ship nor sailor
Respite from warmth, the tree gave away
And looked for other places inside.
The dampness had set in deep
Of a quality, gnawed in and soft
To find some warmth, it must weep
No stranger to its ideals loft.
It flickers and burns and grows again
Despite the darkness which oft creeps over
Rises above the sad, the shame
And rests in peace over n over
The tree of life and all that we're told
Stands by the edge, in pain but glory
A single flame of life behold
Gave a soul to its endless story
A painting it stood, it hung on a wall
To some, nothing but a cruel stance
To some, a story of hope and bliss
To some, merely a picture, no words
To some, a languid work of art
To some, a true story
What you see, so will remain
The painting or the tree or the soul of glory.
The distant crashing waves, it sprayed
A lonely tree of awesome might
It grew, but withered in its shade
The rain, it fell so thick and bleak
Whipped up images of grey
Not close, not far, no soul to speak
Unhinged, the battered tree upon the ocean spray
The cold it crept upon the sand
And numbed travelers near and far
Who saw scenes of bliss unfold itself
While the tree battled on its own land
No lighthouse shone the whole way through
No beam, no road, no distant light
For weary travelers and boatmen few
No light for the damp tree by the side.
Ships that cast their lives aside,
Break across the cliff in furious rage
Stripped off robes by mirthless deride
The show goes on, but comes of age
The lighthouse gaveth no shade
Neither did the ship nor sailor
Respite from warmth, the tree gave away
And looked for other places inside.
The dampness had set in deep
Of a quality, gnawed in and soft
To find some warmth, it must weep
No stranger to its ideals loft.
It flickers and burns and grows again
Despite the darkness which oft creeps over
Rises above the sad, the shame
And rests in peace over n over
The tree of life and all that we're told
Stands by the edge, in pain but glory
A single flame of life behold
Gave a soul to its endless story
A painting it stood, it hung on a wall
To some, nothing but a cruel stance
To some, a story of hope and bliss
To some, merely a picture, no words
To some, a languid work of art
To some, a true story
What you see, so will remain
The painting or the tree or the soul of glory.
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
Fallin'
I'm going through a very restless period in my life right, alternating between numbness and emotion and its been going on for quite a while. I now realize that I've been subconsciously trying to bury the issues by immersing myself in everything else other than addressing it. When I'm numb I want to feel again and when I feel I don't wanna experience that either. I'm not unhappy but I badly want to find some stability and passion. Can there be passion and stability at once? I don't know. I guess I really, badly need a cause to be passionate about and put my heart and soul into.
Even as I write this there are hundred thoughts which surge through my mind waiting to settle and take shape and form and meaning. I'm stuck in a contradicted mess and I am struggling to find a sense of higher ground. The sense of confusion has been around for just too long now.. and everything I spend time on has become a useless waste of energy. Life, as i now know, is a constant struggle, every moment of it. And if you don't win every moment, you pay that much by the loss of it. Sounds harsh, but I believe its true. Because, I've seen the waste, the pointlessness of it. It feels miserable but most of the time I don't realize it until much later. But to win every moment is to be God-like I guess. Calling it God-like makes me wanna win every moment lesser bcoz I straightaway start thinking I can't do it. So I take that back.
I need a mantra to hold on to while facing difficult situations. And the lack of it is causing me to be this dead person I don't like much. Need to find my own, coz what worked one time doesn't work now coz that took a different kind of facing I guess. I need contentment so bad. The last time I felt alive was on New Years Eve I want that again!
Even as I write this there are hundred thoughts which surge through my mind waiting to settle and take shape and form and meaning. I'm stuck in a contradicted mess and I am struggling to find a sense of higher ground. The sense of confusion has been around for just too long now.. and everything I spend time on has become a useless waste of energy. Life, as i now know, is a constant struggle, every moment of it. And if you don't win every moment, you pay that much by the loss of it. Sounds harsh, but I believe its true. Because, I've seen the waste, the pointlessness of it. It feels miserable but most of the time I don't realize it until much later. But to win every moment is to be God-like I guess. Calling it God-like makes me wanna win every moment lesser bcoz I straightaway start thinking I can't do it. So I take that back.
I need a mantra to hold on to while facing difficult situations. And the lack of it is causing me to be this dead person I don't like much. Need to find my own, coz what worked one time doesn't work now coz that took a different kind of facing I guess. I need contentment so bad. The last time I felt alive was on New Years Eve I want that again!
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
Heart of ice
I have a long way to go
I need a plan to protect the core of my heart
And keep it far away from all which can penetrate the aura of its existence
I keep it out there for cold breeze to erode at it like melting snow
All fragments of truth buried deep within
Frozen into one piece and bound by its icy fingers
The heart so wholesome and pure freezes up
And, I never got down to finishing it :(
I need a plan to protect the core of my heart
And keep it far away from all which can penetrate the aura of its existence
I keep it out there for cold breeze to erode at it like melting snow
All fragments of truth buried deep within
Frozen into one piece and bound by its icy fingers
The heart so wholesome and pure freezes up
And, I never got down to finishing it :(
Friday, January 1, 2010
All is NOT Quiet on New Years Eve
Email sent about NY, wanted to keep this before it gets lost within the entrails of my inbox.
If you google London eye.. its this giant wheel thing which is a famous landmark in London.. its besides the river thames and near the most famous buildings in central london like the big ben etc.. BANG in the centre.. and the whole place looks so amazingly beautiful at night when its all lit up that photos can never do justice as much as i try n capture it. me n a bunch of other people got there at 7pm for the countdown and NY celebrations.. 7pm!! 5 hours before the actual fireworks show .. you need to get there THAT early to get the best view. so you can imagine the number of people who gathered there.. People from all over the world and all nationalities. thousands n thousands of them. We stood there in the freezing cold.. my fingers n toes numbed outta feeling huddled up.. 1 hour passed by, we settled on the cement ground which froze our behinds but cudnt stant for so long.. 2 hrs and then they started playing the radio on loudspeaker n they played a lot of fun popular hip hop and brit pop music.. i had keep dancing on my feet to keep me not frozen. its colder becoz there is this cold wind coz where we were standing was right beside the river.
The DJ had to keep blabbering to keep people's spirits up.. and keep the crowd all loud and buoyant. there was crazyness of course.. one guy stood up in the crowd n proceeded to strip topless while the crazy crowd cheered.. IT WAS FREEZING i must say again.. so he must be so drunk! the giant London Eye in front of us kept changing colours in blue, purple, green, yellow and red. There is a Shell building right next to the London Eye where they beam coloured lights for the crowd. apparently last year ppl sent text msgs which they beam onto the building. And somebody proposed.. heh how cute is that! but very public (no pvt moment sorts doncha think)
man i always find Indians in the UK annoying coz one, they cling together, speak loudly in hindi and litter the place and make a mess!! All the Indians in the crowd of course went crazy wen they played this on brit radio - punjabi MC :O http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DJztXj2GPfk&feature=related hehe this is the song.. I was so amazed bcoz it was such an international crowd but the song managed to find its way on the radio.. me felt kicked lol.. and totully in love with my inner indianness
So we waited n waited n waited.. n waited on our feet.. unbearable cold as the night wore on. crowd grew people gathered closer and pretty soon i cudnt move an inch! i killed time by whining n complaining bout the cold to whoever was nearby, ( you know how i get during extreme heat and cold conditions lol) singing along to blur and the killers and black eyed peas songs and jumping up n down whenever i cud. People kept yelling when the DJ encouraged them to.. he kept saying the BBC is watching is point your cameras at the London eye and flash 1,2,3 go.. ppl were so happy to do pointless things like that
So half an hour left, 20 mins, final 10 mins.. people getting all excited and crowd murmers.. and the countdown begins (it was beamed on the building) I felt excited anticipation as though there was something waiting for me when the minute was up.. 10, 9,8, 7.. (acutely aware that I was one of the ant like individuals the crowd and the same countdown was taking place all over the world at diff time zones, also felt like i was watching myself on TV- some kind of glorious in the moment excitement) 6, 5 4 3 2 1 and Lo and Behold! ( i am not moses but for effect helloo) the sky actually burst into a brilliance of light and colour and my heart stopped beating for a split second coz that moment was so incredible, the sky was aglow with light and ohmygod ohmygod i thought i died and gone to heaven coz well coz i cant describe the next 15 mins of my life was so elevating. the most spectacular display of fireworks i have ever seen in my life.. intricate shapes in the sky coloured by light and design, twisting and turning and changing shapes.. starry ones which swivel and turn and bounce and come from nowhere and the collide and run at each other and they just go on n on .. it was like SEX FOR THE EYES. and good lord i wasnt aware the kind of beauty they could humanly hav made possible explode in the sky like that with fireworks. it just took my breath away and left me speechless and open mouthed coz WORDS CANNOT DESCRIBE WHAT I SAW! i was hyper excited and and fluttery with joy
In that moment, the waiting, the cold, the frustration of standing for hours on my feet disappeared and I was left with a profound sense of bliss.. like happiness exploding in my heart or smthn. some unity of mankind stuff.. heh.. we are all one and we all saw something so special and beautiful together... some bond i felt.. some african dude in front of me was like happy new year and i felt so happy to wish him bak or smthn.. and they played Auld Lang Syne (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lvJRmdN9iyU&feature=fvw) (dont grin im feeling enthu right now) after the show and we all held hands n sung it with emotion. and of course i was choked up by now :D i thought of each one of you and my family when i was singing it.. a brief bless you sorts. and the icing on the cake.. it started snowing :) so cute!! some lil drops from the sky.. i forgot i was cold and proceeded to catch them in my mouth. as sweet as that sounds its actually an extremely futile thing to do. i felt so blessed, like soo blessed in opportune-ness and being there in the moment.
sigh only. this was my best new years EVER and my best london moment (so far)
i wanted to put this down asap before all the feeling n emotion fade away.. coz that is bound to happen once i sleep n wake up
If you google London eye.. its this giant wheel thing which is a famous landmark in London.. its besides the river thames and near the most famous buildings in central london like the big ben etc.. BANG in the centre.. and the whole place looks so amazingly beautiful at night when its all lit up that photos can never do justice as much as i try n capture it. me n a bunch of other people got there at 7pm for the countdown and NY celebrations.. 7pm!! 5 hours before the actual fireworks show .. you need to get there THAT early to get the best view. so you can imagine the number of people who gathered there.. People from all over the world and all nationalities. thousands n thousands of them. We stood there in the freezing cold.. my fingers n toes numbed outta feeling huddled up.. 1 hour passed by, we settled on the cement ground which froze our behinds but cudnt stant for so long.. 2 hrs and then they started playing the radio on loudspeaker n they played a lot of fun popular hip hop and brit pop music.. i had keep dancing on my feet to keep me not frozen. its colder becoz there is this cold wind coz where we were standing was right beside the river.
The DJ had to keep blabbering to keep people's spirits up.. and keep the crowd all loud and buoyant. there was crazyness of course.. one guy stood up in the crowd n proceeded to strip topless while the crazy crowd cheered.. IT WAS FREEZING i must say again.. so he must be so drunk! the giant London Eye in front of us kept changing colours in blue, purple, green, yellow and red. There is a Shell building right next to the London Eye where they beam coloured lights for the crowd. apparently last year ppl sent text msgs which they beam onto the building. And somebody proposed.. heh how cute is that! but very public (no pvt moment sorts doncha think)
man i always find Indians in the UK annoying coz one, they cling together, speak loudly in hindi and litter the place and make a mess!! All the Indians in the crowd of course went crazy wen they played this on brit radio - punjabi MC :O http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DJztXj2GPfk&feature=related hehe this is the song.. I was so amazed bcoz it was such an international crowd but the song managed to find its way on the radio.. me felt kicked lol.. and totully in love with my inner indianness
So we waited n waited n waited.. n waited on our feet.. unbearable cold as the night wore on. crowd grew people gathered closer and pretty soon i cudnt move an inch! i killed time by whining n complaining bout the cold to whoever was nearby, ( you know how i get during extreme heat and cold conditions lol) singing along to blur and the killers and black eyed peas songs and jumping up n down whenever i cud. People kept yelling when the DJ encouraged them to.. he kept saying the BBC is watching is point your cameras at the London eye and flash 1,2,3 go.. ppl were so happy to do pointless things like that
So half an hour left, 20 mins, final 10 mins.. people getting all excited and crowd murmers.. and the countdown begins (it was beamed on the building) I felt excited anticipation as though there was something waiting for me when the minute was up.. 10, 9,8, 7.. (acutely aware that I was one of the ant like individuals the crowd and the same countdown was taking place all over the world at diff time zones, also felt like i was watching myself on TV- some kind of glorious in the moment excitement) 6, 5 4 3 2 1 and Lo and Behold! ( i am not moses but for effect helloo) the sky actually burst into a brilliance of light and colour and my heart stopped beating for a split second coz that moment was so incredible, the sky was aglow with light and ohmygod ohmygod i thought i died and gone to heaven coz well coz i cant describe the next 15 mins of my life was so elevating. the most spectacular display of fireworks i have ever seen in my life.. intricate shapes in the sky coloured by light and design, twisting and turning and changing shapes.. starry ones which swivel and turn and bounce and come from nowhere and the collide and run at each other and they just go on n on .. it was like SEX FOR THE EYES. and good lord i wasnt aware the kind of beauty they could humanly hav made possible explode in the sky like that with fireworks. it just took my breath away and left me speechless and open mouthed coz WORDS CANNOT DESCRIBE WHAT I SAW! i was hyper excited and and fluttery with joy
In that moment, the waiting, the cold, the frustration of standing for hours on my feet disappeared and I was left with a profound sense of bliss.. like happiness exploding in my heart or smthn. some unity of mankind stuff.. heh.. we are all one and we all saw something so special and beautiful together... some bond i felt.. some african dude in front of me was like happy new year and i felt so happy to wish him bak or smthn.. and they played Auld Lang Syne (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lvJRmdN9iyU&feature=fvw) (dont grin im feeling enthu right now) after the show and we all held hands n sung it with emotion. and of course i was choked up by now :D i thought of each one of you and my family when i was singing it.. a brief bless you sorts. and the icing on the cake.. it started snowing :) so cute!! some lil drops from the sky.. i forgot i was cold and proceeded to catch them in my mouth. as sweet as that sounds its actually an extremely futile thing to do. i felt so blessed, like soo blessed in opportune-ness and being there in the moment.
sigh only. this was my best new years EVER and my best london moment (so far)
i wanted to put this down asap before all the feeling n emotion fade away.. coz that is bound to happen once i sleep n wake up
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