I have this bad habit of making any blog of mine a personal one coz I tend to post too much of my soul in here. Why is that a bad thing? I dunno, prob coz there all kinds of weirdos who are reading this. And, also coz I've learnt to double-think mundane stuff I never really cared about.
Long days have passed between posts. I hesitated before listening to Cat Power today. Her music is way too soul-stirring for me. The kind that clasps around your heart and knocks the breath out of you coz her voice is so incredibly moving. Or maybe it's me. I know that that's the best ways music changes me, its just that it continues to remind me of very fragile times. I usually quickly jump her songs on my playlist. It something I consciously did and now it comes to me naturally. Kinda like all the things in my life I've learnt to control now.
It brought back all the murkyness I associated with those songs. Before, I would succumb headlong into the oh-so-familiar emotions of dread. Until I thought of eternal sunshine. I find that I'm now able to keep those at bay with a comfortable sense of detachment which leaves me feeling strangely, lighter.
Eternal sunshine are all those moments which told me that there's something special coming up, just for me. That everythings going to be okay. That the past is gone and I'm free to find my way home. That I'm new and un-tainted. It's the warm re-assurance of inexplicable secureness. Of beauty and mystery and magic. Of comforting discoveries from within. Of knowing exactly what to do while setting sail in the tempest..
Faith in unknown and unforeseen goodness can be frustrating if you have never experienced the overpowering goodness floating around. I can say that I am blessed to have seen it and to know just how much it can transform everything.
I guess I made this blog as a tribute to all those moments of surprising sunshine. And, however personal, felt like it's worth blogging bout.. as a reminder of sorts. Of how far I have come and how far there is to go..
