A state of boredom

Ennui is my enemy
A state of non-action
Numbs me into senselessness
And, takes away from my effort
To try and do and create
Life seems an endless chasm of boredom
With routine, mindless tasks
Some pleasure, some pain
Family who loves us and friends who come and go
Talk of education, career, marriage, children and fulfillment
What an utterly joyless way of living life
Where duties are done, we do what's required to keep a state of equilibrium
An atmosphere of so-called peace that we are supposed to thrive in
Except the thought of these things leave me bored
If a state of mind is dictated by factors, external or internal
Why don't we listen to their call?
Why limit ourselves?
Sometimes I think suffering is the only thing that makes us feel alive
Yet, nobody chooses to suffer, nobody plans to take difficult paths except those with conviction
Then us of the middle lot are indeed doomed
To live in a life under-lived for the lack of effort to immerse oneself
Passion remains a far away dream enjoyed by the special lot who chose to take the hard road by choice
And the rest of us are left to settle for the mediocre
And express their predicament in mild rants like these

Capricious

A list of songs reflect my mood
Sad or happy, I don't know
bittersweet yes, whimsical more
But most, I guess they seem to show
The clouds bind the sun that shines
And the sun pierces through the rain
The wind will blow the clouds away
The rainbow will not last the fray
There seems to be a truth, infinite and deep
That I seem to swivel on
Like a ballet dancer in fast spin on her toe
Blurry images of beauty leave me tired
For want of them, to succumb to them
Yet, to tear myself away is to bid painfull farewell
Of the web of truth I spun myself
Large and intricate it was, where everything had it's own place
Yet I withdraw on my own
It proved to be yet another farce
Should I be tossed about like a boat on the ocean?
Or should I steer my own way home?
Is it a bit of both or a little of none?
Truth is I am neither.
It turns out, nothing can be taken for granted
I open my arms to let the winds of change take over
Yet, here I am as hard as wall
Which lets nothing through
There is something odd about this predicament
It is not in my nature
I feel a different person
Left aflutter in the air
Yet tied down to something.
Why am I not able to let go?