More of a doer

I am no accident you say 

You know the ins and outs of each of my days

Thank you! but I ask for more 

Make me less of a dreamer, and more of a doer

A simple truth I fear that keeps me from bliss

Is that I am frozen, inactive and lazy to bits 

This realization kills me so 

It's keeps me smaller, I'm my own worst foe

I teeter, I totter, still I'm unable to remain

You gave me desires, which constrict me in my frame

I blame, I whine, I complain like a child

But why then did you make me yearn to be free and so wild!! 

Is it a lie, an empty promise, or a fantasy with no appeal

That exists within me, is it even real?

Why do I waver, and wander, and constantly so?

Is it coz' I live in a mirage, and have no goals?

Am I a fool, a hopelessly blind and idiotic fool

To want, and when something fails, feel that life's cruel?

It worries my heart, and brings a tear to my eye

That my lofty aspirations and ideals, will slowly die 

Don't leave me stranded, don't leave me prey

To my own half-baked untruths and lies

I am weary and truly fed up of feeling this way

Of hoping, and wanting, but feeling like I'm doing little to change

Why did you make me stubborn and set in my ways inside?

But also flaky, shaky and fickle in mind?

Really, I feel like an empty nest

With loads to offer but not really my best?

Is my lack of struggle, my privileged and peaceful life 

Not causing me to act and deal with inner strife?

You made me a dreamer, but make me a doer!

Unshackle me from these tiring binds I pray!

Deliver me from that unspeakable fury

That threatens to overwhelm and drive me astray

I don't feel an inner power so amazing, the conviction of many

That seem to inspire, and push and drive

Help me to be a girl of action

So that I may cause change, make a fire and light alive

Squash my restless, aimless being, and keep me still 

So that the right thing excites me to do your glory and will

Let the drawn break over me, simply purge me from within

So that I can let go of a great many meaningless things

That jade my day, tarnish my soul 

And leaves me feeling like I have little control

Help me to become decisively strong, a driver of my future

A bull by its horns grabber,  and less of a cynic, a critical doubter

But most importantly,  please help me be

Less of a dreamer, and more of a doer.

An ode to happiness

Oh happiness, how you slip away from me.
You play hide and seek with me, day after day, night after night
You crouch slowly, waiting to spring up on me
But, when you do, you are frustratingly fleeting.
You appear and disappear, and play with each other, like close-knit brothers.
You show me quick glimpses into worlds unknown
And push me to chase after you, in a hopeless, desperate way.
You appear when least expected,
You fill my soul with warmth,
You shape-shifter, you melt into nothingness.
In your pursuit, I find myself chasing false Gods,
Which fail me gently, and sometimes not-so-gently.
You leave me unable to realise
Just what a fickle friend you really are.
Friendly, but impermanent
Warming, but quick to grow cold
If i did not wait for your appearance, nor mourn your disappearance
I might not be human, I might be 'God'
I cannot abandon the notion of you
Finding you lends meaning
The truth or falseness of which
Makes up the preoccupations of my everyday
Seeking you is not futile
So, I will search for you, however endless.  

Philosophizing

What you desire, so you shall become
What you long for, from the deepest recesses of your heart
Will be yours to enjoy forever.
The world around you might be seen as a rise of a mighty mountain,
Or come crashing down on your like a reckless wave.
But, you shall not be torn apart, you shall persist forever.
Your heart and hopes and dreams will not lurk in the shadows
They are golden lights threaded on an endless string of the universe
Each too small to stand alone, you think?
But, each quiet desire is a testimony to the road of your soul
The one you choose to wander on, stumble and fall.
The one you must always pick yourself up from, and travel ahead
The world and its people might deceive you at every turn
Do not fall for derision or glory
Stay strong, stay hopeful and stay free
For so you shall become.